Tired of showing up for the you that schedules dentist appointments and says yes to birthday dinners you don’t want to attend? Time to ghost yourself. Cancel your plans, silence your phone, and leave cryptic notes like, “Gone spelunking, back never.” Then, embrace the void—eat spaghetti out of a mug in the dark, stare at the ceiling like a misunderstood indie movie protagonist, and forget “responsibilities” ever existed. Bonus points if you send yourself a passive-aggressive text before blocking your own number.

Playing dead isn’t avoidance—it’s self-care with flair.

This blog post humorously ranks common holiday traditions, from cozy moments like sipping hot cocoa under a Chubble Gum blanket to the nightmare that is Elf on the Shelf. Through a blend of snark, sarcasm, and product suggestions, it offers survival tips for navigating the chaos of the season with a bit of festive sass.

Let’s get one thing straight: "normal" is boring. You know it, I know it, and deep down, even those relentlessly cheery people who think pumpkin spice is the height of fall fun know it too. If you’re reading this, you’ve...