10 Holiday Traditions Ranked from Cozy to I’d Rather Die

Ah, the holidays—that magical time when we pretend family drama can be smothered with eggnog and twinkling lights. While some traditions make the season brighter, others… well, not so much. From wrangling drunk Christmas trees to your new third-shift job as an Elf on the Shelf wrangler, we’re breaking down the best (and worst) holiday traditions and how Chubble Gum can help you survive them with your sanity (mostly) intact.

1. Drinking Hot Cocoa in Fuzzy Blankets – Level: Cozy AF

The holidays are exhausting, but there’s one surefire way to stay sane: hot cocoa, an unnecessary number of marshmallows, and a blanket so soft it feels like a vacation for your soul. Enter the Hang in There, It Gets Worse Blanket—your trusty sidekick through holiday chaos. Need more? Wrap up in the Stress Is My Super Power Blanket and embrace the superhero strength required to survive family gatherings.

Pro tip: Spike your cocoa with Bailey’s and officially cancel all future plans.

2. Watching the Same 5 Holiday Movies – Level: Nostalgic Bliss

You could watch something new, but why risk it when Elf is right there? Sure, you’ve seen Home Alone enough times to quote it in your sleep, but these movies are like comfort food for the soul. Up your viewing experience with some Chubble Gum pillows. The Hermit Mode Pillow screams “leave me alone” while the My Everything Hurts Pillow captures the existential dread that comes with rewatching Love Actually yet again.

Stack them up, grab your blanket, and enjoy your cinematic cocoon.

3. Decorating the Christmas Tree – Level: Calm Before the Chaos

Sure, decorating the tree sounds magical, but the reality? Untangling 50 feet of lights while cursing your past self for shoving them in a box. The first 20 minutes? Blissful nostalgia. But soon enough, the tree’s leaning like it’s had one too many eggnogs, and you’re dodging your cat’s attempts to bring the whole thing down.

Even if the result is more “Pinterest fail” than festive perfection, you’ll still feel a strange satisfaction staring at that wobbly masterpiece while sipping on spiked cocoa.

4. Ugly Sweater Parties – Level: Fun-ish, but Overdone

Ugly sweaters had their moment, but now they’re just another excuse for forced holiday cheer. Want to shake things up this year? Throw a shocking sweatshirt party instead, and guarantee Grandma’s not coming back next Christmas. The Double Stuff Me Daddy Sweatshirt will definitely get people talking, and if that doesn’t drive ‘em away, try the Amateur Proctologist Sweatshirt—because nothing says holiday spirit like a borderline-inappropriate medical joke.

This year, make them question whether they’ll send the invite next time around. You're welcome.

5. Baking Holiday Cookies – Level: Instagram vs. Reality

We’ve all been seduced by those perfect cookie posts on Instagram, thinking, "I can totally do that." Spoiler alert: you can’t. Three hours later, your kitchen looks like a powdered sugar crime scene, and half your cookies are burnt beyond recognition. But hey, at least they taste decent, right? Sort of?

If your cookies look more “abstract art” than “Pinterest-worthy,” you’re doing the holidays right.

6. Caroling – Level: Do We Really Need This?

Caroling. It’s cold, it's awkward, and you’re never really sure why you’re clapping along to people singing on your porch. If I wanted someone to sing at me, I’d open TikTok. Is there a polite way to shut the door while humming Jingle Bells? Asking for a friend.

If you’ve ever found yourself trapped at your front door, nodding along politely while secretly wishing for sweet silence, you’re not alone.

7. Advent Calendars – Level: Countdown to Chaos

Traditionally, advent calendars give you little chocolates or tiny toys that you’ll be picking up for weeks. Yawn. Why not make the countdown more… fun? The Chubble Gum 2024 Advent Calendar ditches the predictable junk for quirky surprises that’ll keep you guessing. Trust us, you won’t be counting down to Christmas so much as counting down to what weirdness is behind the next door.

And unlike other advent calendars, this one won’t leave you with a mess of melted chocolate and broken plastic by New Year’s.

8. Elf on the Shelf – Level: Nightmare Fuel

Let’s be real: Elf on the Shelf is a nightmare dressed in holiday wrapping. At first, it seems cute. But now, it’s 2 a.m., you’ve got work in the morning, and you’re standing in the kitchen trying to figure out new “hijinks” for a plastic elf. Sure, the kids love it when the elf zip-lines across the living room, but guess what? You’ve officially set the bar way too high. Now you’re stuck outdoing yourself every night.

Congratulations—you’ve added a third-shift job to your holiday to-do list, and the elf isn’t even paying you in holiday cheer. Just mess.

9. Family Holiday Photos – Level: We’re Done Here

Matching outfits? Hard pass. You’ve spent enough time pretending your family is perfectly curated for Instagram. It’s time to spice things up. Get yourself a I Wanna Be Where the People Aren’t tee, or if you really want to commit to the mood, go for the Hello Darkness My Old Friend. Nothing says holiday photo nailed like announcing your desire to be literally anywhere else.

Consider it your official Christmas card mood.

10. Holiday Gift Shopping – Level: The Hunger Games

Every year, the holiday shopping madness hits, and you find yourself in a fight to the death for the last “must-have” gift. By mid-December, malls turn into a real-life Hunger Games scenario, complete with side-eye and pushing. Avoid the stress by opting for something simple—like anything from Chubble Gum. A sarcastic sweatshirt or pillow that screams “I’m done” is the kind of gift that keeps on giving.

Final Thoughts

The holidays are a beautiful mess—equal parts joy, chaos, and exhaustion. From stressful traditions to the third-shift job that is Elf on the Shelf, it's easy to feel like you’re drowning in eggnog just to survive the season. But with a little help from Chubble Gum, you can navigate the madness with a smile (or at least a sarcastic smirk). Whether you’re rocking a snarky sweatshirt, hiding under a blanket, or just dodging family drama, remember: you’ve got this. Sort of.